Thursday, September 4, 2014

Four Years

Four years ago today I became a mother. It was the most exciting day of my life and the most nerve wracking day of my life as well. I had woken up and went about my day as usual (went to work at my college work study and then went home). Through out the day I had been having contractions and just in general not feeling right. As soon as Rob got home from work we went to labor and delivery. Once there and after they checked me for dilation we were informed that Logan's active heart rate was flat and that he was in distress. My due date was not until September 19. Logan was 15 days early.
I was prepped for an emergency c-section and it turned out that Logan swallowed meconium and it got into his tiny lungs. He was in the NICU for a week due to the small lung infection he had on top of some feeding problems. While the day started out scary it ended with Logan being born and our lives forever changed and blessed.
Logan is now 4 years old. All day today I couldn't help but reflect how quickly time flies by. I am learning every day to never take anything for granted because life really is so short. I hug my kids tighter with each passing day. I hug my husband tighter as well with each passing day. Life can change so quickly and unexpectedly.
I am so grateful that God has blessed me with an amazing husband and 3 handsome boys. There are days I know I don't deserve them. There are days my attitude is awful. There are days I go about my day in robot mode not paying attention to what is in front of me. I am challenging myself to stop living life in robot mode and to check my attitude when my feet hit the floor. Life can change quickly and unexpectedly. I don't want to live wondering if I should have done something different or said something different.
4 years later I'm still learning how to be a mother. I'm still learning what to do and what not to do. Logan teaches me so much about life and he doesn't even realize it. He teaches me how to really have a child like attitude. I am grateful that the days I have messed up that God forgives me and loves me unconditionally. God is right by my side in this journey of motherhood. I am remembering each day to turn my worries and anxieties that cause my bad attitude over to God. When I surrender all to Him, I have peace. When I surrender all to Him, I can have joy. When I surrender all to Him, I am made new.


Collage from birth to now.

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