Friday, May 1, 2015

10 Years

This is a post I have been chipping away at through typing and in my mind. I do not think I have grasped how fast ten years can fly by. Ten years is a decade. Why am I writing about ten years, you may ask? It has been ten years (May 27) since I graduated from high school. It really is hard to believe that ten years ago I was anticipating graduating and closing a chapter in my life. I loved high school but I also was ready to move on. Start fresh and leave the past in the past. Before that chapter closed, God tested my faith, my patience, and my strength.

Not only has it been ten years since graduating high school, but it has been ten years since I was first sick with Crohn's/Colitis. It will be ten years on May 6 since my grandparents and I received the diagnosis. Little did I know, ten years ago, just how many issues Crohn's/Colitis would cause for me. It has been quite the ride. These last (almost) seven and a half years, I have had Rob standing by my side through the flares whether big or small. Ten years ago when I first received that diagnosis, I never thought God would bring someone into my life who was willing to be on this journey with me. He did. How I wish I could go back ten years and tell my 17 (almost 18) year old self that things would be okay and that there are even bigger things coming in my life. In these past ten years, I got married and had three handsome boys. I am so glad my Crohn's/Colitis never got in the way of that.

Also ten years ago, my grandmother and I didn't have the best relationship. I was in high school so I was trying hard to be dramatic and rebellious toward her (looking back, I was tame compared to some of my friends). The fact that I tried strained our relationship and I hate that I gave her so much grief when she was doing was being my 'mom'. After my diagnosis and heading to college we became closer. Looking back, I'm so glad I had her to get me through being so sick. She fought for me because I couldn't fight for myself. She fought doctors tooth and nail so that I could get the best care possible. I am so thankful for how hard she fought. My grandmother and I have come a long way in the past ten years.

Another relationship that has been mended inside of ten years is the relationship I have with my mom. Ten years ago she was still struggling to stay afloat with her life. She was an alcoholic and didn't want to get better. She also has bipolar and that was a factor in her moods to get better or stay on a path that wasn't good for her. Three years ago she made a choice and now she and I have a great relationship. 

Ten years goes by fast. So much can happen in ten years. I can only hope that I've lived these ten years in a way that has been honoring to God, my family, and the people around me. I am going to make these next ten years way better than the last ten years. I don't want to look back wishing I could change something.

To my 37 year old self: Have you lived these past ten years well? Have you been the best wife, mother, daughter, and granddaughter that God made you to be? Whatever point you are in 37 year old self, this too shall pass. Take it in stride and know that God has a PLAN!

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