Heartfelt

I need to be honest. I am in a spiritual hole (for lack of a better word). I am relying on God and having faith but I am impatient and if you know me pretty well and then you know my patience level is well non existent. In the past month and a half I have questioned God and his plan for my family to the point of questioning God's existence in general. As soon as I question it in my head, God swoops down and says, 'Silly child, don't think such thoughts'. Seeing the strong faith of friends have been helping me with my attitude and spiritual hole. Their brutal honesty has helped me as well. Even more, is seeing the faith Logan has. Seeing him pray on his knees before bed at night puts a lump in my throat and peace in my heart and I know that God is there even when I think he isn't. Rob and I have made our fair share of mistakes actions and attitudes and we are vowing to become better and not let circumstances run our lives (or ruin our lives for that matter). I need to get back into God's word. I haven't read the Bible since October 31. A lot of it is because I make excuses. I yell at God and ignore Him on purpose. In private I cry, woe is me! When really, I need to be looking for ways to let His light shine through me. I can't let His light shine through if I am not even practicing what I write in my the walls of my home. This hole I'm in, some would call it mediocre. I don't want to live a mediocre life. I want to live an extraordinary life for God. Yes, I wrote a blog about comparing myself and I've written a blog about being content and shame on me because those are a few of my flaws that I struggle with daily. I don't have it all together and I want to be honest with my blog readers. I hope in my honesty people will help me stay accountable to being a better woman, mother, and wife for God. 

This was the verse that showed up on my Bible reading plan on my YouVersion Bible App: "
Your word, Lord , is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures." -Psalm 119:89-90. How fitting that I read that this morning. I needed the reminded that God is faithful. God is good. I need to cling to that truth and not let go (as my friend, Stacy put it). 

This was hard for me to write (this wasn't the first time I wrote this). I wrote this to my nearest and dearest friends. It was hard to write and digest my own honesty. I needed to write it and be honest with myself more than anything. Blog readers, I ask you pray for me.