Thursday, October 17, 2013

People Can Change

I am dedicating this post to my mom. I am going to share a little of her story which intertwines with mine. At 20 years old, she gave birth to me on May 23, 1987. It was out of wedlock. She made a hard decision but made the best decision for me, she turned all her rights over to her parents (my grandparents) and they raised me from birth until the time I got married. It was hard for her to do that but deep down she knew she could not give me even half the life that my grandparents could. The good thing about it was she was still able to see me and watch me grow. There were times she couldn't always see me. There were times my grandparents had to hide me from my mom so that I wouldn't witness the 'disease' that over took her. You see, after some life changing events my mom was diagnosed with bi-polar. All through out my childhood and even into my adult life my mom suffered with bi-polar and she would make mistakes that would cause my whole family to through our hands up in the air and give up. We didn't know how to help my mom. When I was at an age to comprehend what was going on, I began praying. I prayed hard. I would weep and wave my fists at God. There were times in my praying I wondered if God really existed because if He did then he would help my mom.
All during my prayers the Bible verses of 'Do not worry' and 'For I know the plans I have for you' would flood my mind and I had to accept the fact that God was taking care of this situation. God's voice of telling me not to worry and that He has this has been a theme in my life. Anytime I had a Crohn's flare up and I wondered why I was sick yet again, God's voice would whisper those Bible voices in my ear. I struggle with patience so I would shake my fist and ask God, "WHEN?". He never replied because God is mysterious and the waiting only helped me become stronger in my struggle with patience. Not just with my Crohn's flare ups does God speak those verses but in situations I have experienced with my friends, with my husband's family, and even with my husband and children. Last night and tonight after talking with husband, God spoke those verses to me again. Yet again, they are changing me and my perspective on current situations in my life. My prayer is a little different tonight, I am praying that these verses become glued in my mind, like super glued in my mind so that I can remember ALWAYS not to revert to being ungrateful for the storms that God puts me through. So I am changing...I am going to super glue positive thoughts to my mind so much so that the negative thoughts can't find room in my mind.
That brings me back to my mom. Last fall my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Of course I prayed even harder for her. For a year now, my mom has been well and stable. My mom changed. After 25 years, my mom and I finally have a mother/daughter relationship. She has met her grandchildren. She has met my husband, finally. She attended the first family function in several years (Logan's birthday party).
So when asked, can people change? I say yes. People can change for the better. When exactly? We aren't allowed to know, only God knows. The waiting strengthens us for a better tomorrow.

 My mom and I when I was.
 At my high school graduation.
 At Logan's third birthday party with Landon.
 With my mom.
4 generations.

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